A Spark for Change: It Isn’t the Critic Who Counts

By: Erin Parker Last Updated: July 13, 2014

sparkforchange rotator5I have spent my whole life trying to please. I wanted to be liked by everyone. I wanted everyone to be proud of me. I wanted to make sure I did everything I could to make someone else happy. Basically, I was looking for validation from every single person who I came in contact with, and all I did was set myself up for years of frustration. Even when I did everything I thought I could to make everyone else happy, there were still people who didn't like me or what I was doing. There were times I was completely ripped apart by people even when I did my absolute best.

This used to affect me until I realized that validation is a private thing not a public thing. I care about what the people closest to me think. If my best friend thinks I am not doing a good job at something, that means something to me because she actually knows me and my intentions. If someone who I don't know all that well and don't care too much about thinks what I am doing is lousy, I can't care about that. Look to your inner circle for the validation or constructive criticism that you need. Don't look to strangers.

Someone is always going to have something to say about you, and most of the time it doesn't even have to do with you. They are saying something because of some issue they have with themselves. Tearing someone else down is much easier than looking in the mirror and reflecting upon what you yourself need to change. Don't take that personally. Remember that these people don't really even know you. If they did, then wouldn't be making those comments.

While watching OWN, someone said, "People you don't love can't hurt you."

That was huge to me. We give people we don't care about power over us. We let them dictate our emotions and feelings about our self worth. If you don't love them, wave their comments away and keep going. People are always going to talk. Let them. They are the ones who will look foolish.

You all have a strong core group of family and friends who love you and only want the best for you. Focus on them for what you need. Don't let the haters in to bring you down. You are capable of so much, and you don't need anyone criticizing you when they do not know who you really are. Keep moving forward because people who gossip or constantly criticize will always stay behind.

Go do great things,
EP